


sweet dreams (are made of this)

by ibstudent



Series: dreams become reality [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/M, Female Tony Stark, Fluff, Genderbend, Getting Together, Hurt No Comfort, Implied Smut, Miscarriage, Mpreg, Not Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie) Compliant, angst and hurt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-28
Updated: 2018-03-28
Packaged: 2019-04-04 00:18:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14007987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ibstudent/pseuds/ibstudent
Summary: After years of being alone, Toni Stark meets Steve Rogers. They clash at first, but once they get past it, they turn into the greatest power couple the world has ever seen. Toni's the happiest she can ever remember being, but their life is missing something. Kids. She and Steve try for years and now, finally, the test is positive. But nobody could have seen this coming. No one could have anticipated this.





	sweet dreams (are made of this)

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Stark Spangled Gift](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11786133) by [LittleMissStark](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleMissStark/pseuds/LittleMissStark). 



> Please read the tags before starting this story! There's sensitive content in this story that might be painful for some people. Please please please read the tags!

If someone had told Toni Stark five years ago where she’d be right now, she would have laughed in their face. Because where she was right now? It was so far away from what she was then, it’s not even funny. Five years ago, she thought she’d be dead in a few years. Decades of alcohol and drugs do that to a person. And that’s not even adding in her work as Iron Woman and the subsequent palladium poisoning.

But honestly? She wouldn’t have this life any other way.

.

Toni Stark started dating Steve Rogers a year after New York. Pepper had been pushing her to meet new people, go out more. Toni hadn’t seen the appeal. That is, until Steve had come back to New York for good.

He’d traveled for a bit after New York and then worked with SHIELD quite a bit. But for some strange reason, he decided to move into the tower with the other Avengers. Not that many of them were there very often. Nat and Clint were at SHIELD or out on a mission more often than not, Thor was usually off world, and Bruce was only there because Tony had the best science tech money could buy.

_She was in the shop when JARVIS alerted her, “Miss, Captain Rogers is requesting access to the tower. Shall I let him in?”_

_“He’s what now?” She looked up from the screens she had been working with._

_“I do believe that you extended an invitation to any and all of the Avengers after the tower was completed. Captain Rogers was included in that invitation if I’m not mistaken.” Her AI stated the obvious entirely too often._

_“Alright, alright. Let the big lug in,” Toni pushed the stool she was sitting on across the shop to view the security footage. “But why did he wait so long?”_

_There was silence before JARVIS answered, “That, is a question I am not qualified to answer, Miss.”_

Luckily, both of the assassins were there. They could keep Cap company until Toni was done with the work in the shop. Which was going to be awhile. The idiots in R&D couldn’t work out some simple bugs in the new StarkPad software. She had to do everything herself.

In all honesty though, after Steve showed up, Toni’s mind was otherwise occupied. Despite the quarrels on the helicarrier, there was no denying that the man was insanely attractive. The things she could imagine doing with that man....

And then, he had the audacity to show up in the shop! Her sanctuary! To tell her, that she needed to eat! And yes, it had been awhile since Toni had eaten, but she had work to do and a figure to maintain! She, unfortunately, was not given a supersoldier metabolism. Normal people couldn’t just eat whatever and maintain the waist to hip ratio that Toni had going.

But as much as she groused about his initial invasion of the shop? The rest of their lives were history after that.

It became tradition for Steve to either bring her food or drag her upstairs to eat the food. And if it wasn’t food, there was always something for them to bond over. After awhile, and it took her longer than she liked to admit, she realized that Steve was trying to flirt with her.

_“Hey Toni! I found this great new bakery down the street. They just opened, you wanna grab a bite?”_

_This was the third time this week he had tried to take her out to eat. And only just now was she beginning to get the picture. Rather than run around the mulberry bush though, Toni just got straight to the point._

_“Are you trying to ask me out? Is that what you’ve been doing all week?” She paused the project she was fiddling with and looked up at Steve._

_The man looked about as sheepish as he ever had, rubbing his hand over the back of his neck, “Well, yeah. I mean, I’ve been trying to do that for awhile now, but I just never could ask you outright. Guess I was too nervous. I haven’t had much practice asking girls out, you know? ‘Cause before the serum, the girls were always more interested in Bucky and then after they were never interested in me, they just liked the idea of Captain America and MMPH!”_

_The only way Toni knew that would for sure shut him up, was to kiss him. And for all the man’s talk about not being good around ladies? Sweet lord, Steve Rogers could kiss like nobody’s business._  

That first kiss was six months after New York. Steve was there. Steve was there through the panic attacks and Malibu and the Mandarin. Steve was there is a way no one but Jarvis, Rhodey, and Pepper ever had been. He had been Toni’s rock through the whole process.

It only made sense that he proposed right after the Triskelion. Toni and Sam had sat by the bastard’s bed the whole time he was out. Toni made sure to tell him how much of an idiot he was after he woke up. The doctors wanted to keep him in the hospital longer, but Steve wouldn’t hear of it.

_“There are beds and doctors at the tower, at home. There is no good reason why I can’t recuperate there.” Toni was cuddled into his side and only got closer the more he talked._

_She looked up when he was done, “Well, I can’t keep you here and neither can the doctors.” She laid a chaste kiss on his lips, “Let’s go home, sweetheart.”_

_._

They had been home a week when Steve popped the question. Thinking back on it, Toni should have suspected all along, but in her defense, she needed to upgrade Steve’s suit and get that facial recognition software done. It was only when she finished and went up to the penthouse that she realized something was up.

_The whole penthouse was covered in flowers. Any flat surface that didn’t hold flowers held candles or love letters or that fancy Italian chocolate that Toni was so partial to._

_“Steve?” Her voice sounded small in the huge space._

_It wasn’t Steve that she got a response from, but JARVIS, “I believe Captain Rogers is on the roof, miss. He seems to be waiting for you there.”_

_When she opened the door to the roof, her hands immediately flew to cover her mouth and she started crying on the spot._

_Steve was down on one knee, his mother’s engagement ring in his hands, surrounded by yet more flowers, candles, and chocolates. And his proposal was probably the cheesiest, most beautiful thing Toni had ever heard._

_“Toni, I know it’s been a long road. And an even harder last few days. But I love you. I’ve known for awhile now there was no one else out there that I’d rather be with. And, if I’m being honest, there’s never_ **_been_ ** _anyone other than you. I want to be there through all of life’s ups and downs with you and no one else. You’re who I want to come home to at the end of a mission. You’re the only woman that’s ever made me feel like this. Toni Stark, will you make me the happiest man ever and marry me?”_

_She didn’t even bother saying yes. Toni ran forward, pulled Steve up, wrapped her arms around his neck, and kissed the life out of him. She poured everything she was feeling in that moment into the kiss, hoping that Steve would understand everything she was trying to say._

_When they pulled apart, she figured he understood, considering that there were tears running down his cheeks too. Steve didn’t say anything in that moment, he didn’t have to. He simply pulled the ring out of the box and placed it on Toni’s finger._

_They eloped two weeks later._

.

Here they were, two years later, waiting on a pregnancy test. And Toni could honestly say that this was the longest five minutes of her life.

She and Steve had decided to wait on kids. Well, actually it was more like it had taken him awhile to bring her around to the idea of having kids. She had been so scared that she was going to turn out like her own parents and that their kid (or kids) was going to grow up hating her. Steve had calmed her fears after some time and some serious talking.

_“But what if I turn into my parents? Either one of them! They were horrible, Steve! I mean, look at the mess I was before you came along! Look at the mess I still am! If I have kids, I’m going to be a terrible parent and they’re going to grow up hating me. I can’t do that, Steve. I can’t go through that, I just can’t.” Toni was quaking by the time she was done talking._

_She looked like she was about to cry when Steve wrapped his arms around her, “I promise, sweetheart, you won’t be. I wouldn’t let you. Even if I did think you were going to be like your parents, which I know you won’t be. Toni, you’re the strongest person I know and if anyone could be a great parent, it’s you._

_“Baby, listen to me. If you’re one hundred percent sure that you don’t want this, we don’t have to do this. I just, I thought that we might want a family. Take some time and think about it, okay? Don’t hesitate to talk to me. If I know you, and I do, you’re going to want to talk.”_

A month later, they had most of their fears out in the open and calmed. Two weeks after that, they started trying. Six months later, when they still hadn’t conceived, Toni went to see her OB/GYN. They ran tests which ultimately said that there wasn’t any particular reason they weren’t getting pregnant, it just wasn’t happening.

So Toni started on fertility drugs, hoping that maybe they would work. Clomiphene increased the number of eggs released each month, which also meant there was a higher chance of multiples. That scared both of them out of their minds at first, but they both just wanted a baby so bad they were willing to try anything.

After seven months, they still hadn’t conceived.

They tried IVF. Toni went through three rounds. Her doctor recommended that with everything her body had gone through that they wait for a cycle in between tries. When the third cycle wasn’t successful, they had decided to wait. No point in getting their hopes up again.

The last round of IVF was six months ago. Toni had missed her period last week. It wasn’t like they were purposely trying or anything. But going back on birth control had seemed redundant and they hadn’t used condoms since she and Steve had first started dating. She wasn’t hopeful for this test, but Toni was most definitely nervous. After all of their failed attempts, she felt like she had failed Steve.

_“I can’t do anything right! I can’t even get pregnant! Steve, why would you want me? I can’t even give you family. You should just go. Go and find someone that’s going to make you happy.” Toni wasn’t facing Steve, partially to hide her tears._

_She could hear Steve walking towards her and then she was being turned around and wrapped in the hug she had come to associate with home._

_“Sweetheart, I want you. And if we can’t get pregnant, that’s fine. I love you and this isn’t going to change that. We can always look into adoption, if you want. But don’t you ever forget that I love you, I want you, and there’s nothing in this world that’s going to change that.”_

Her reverie was broken by the timer going off.

“Fucking finally.”

Steve laughed and kissed her on the forehead, pulling her so that their foreheads were pressed together, “I love you. No matter what. Whatever this test tells us isn’t going to change that. Got it?”

She breathed out before kissing her husband, “Got it. Now let’s see if we made a baby!”

Steve laughed up until he heard her sharp intake of air. He looked down at his wife. Her eyes were as big as the shield, staring at the stick in her hands. He waited for Toni to look up.

She finally did and the smile that spread across her face was huge. Toni’s voice came out in a whisper, “I’m pregnant!”

Steve picked Toni up being careful, but still swinging her into a hug, “Oh my god, baby! We made a baby! Oh my god, this is incredible!”

Toni was still smiling when he put her down. Her voice was quiet but her smile was as big as ever when she asked, “Do we tell the team? Or do we wait? Because it’s gonna be pretty obvious when I stop going out on missions. So either way, they have to know pretty soon. And yeah, I know you don’t usually tell people before the end of the first trimester, but they’re family and so I just didn’t know what we should do.”

Steve’s smile was still matching Toni’s when he wrapped his arms around her waist and pressed their foreheads together, “I’m okay with whatever you’re okay with. If you think we should tell the team right now, then so be it. But if you want to wait until you start showing, that’s okay with me too. Alright?”

Toni jumped so that her legs were around Steve’s waist, “Alright, soldier. Take me to bed?”

And oh boy, did they go to bed that night.

.

Toni’s OB/GYN told them the next day that Toni was around six weeks along. Certainly not out of the woods yet, but they’d get there soon. She showed them the ultrasound. Steve panicked a little because there wasn’t a heartbeat, but both Toni and the doctor assured him that it was normal not to have a heartbeat this early in the pregnancy. The doctor printed them a picture, they scheduled another appointment two weeks out, and they were out the door.

“Should we tell the team yet?” Toni had intertwined her fingers with Steve’s and was swinging their arms back and forth.

“Hmmmm, what do you think?” Steve kissed her before continuing, “I think we should wait at least until we hear the heartbeat, but we can do whatever you’re comfortable with.”

Toni moved so that Steve would wrap his arm around her as they walked, “I think that sounds like a plan. We just have to find a way to keep a secret for the next two weeks. That’s not gonna be easy.”

Steve opened the car door so that Toni could get in, walked around to the driver’s seat, and got in the car before answering, “We could always go to Malibu for a couple weeks. We’re both overdue for vacations.”

“Mmm, how fast can you drive to LaGuardia?” She leaned over the console and rubbed their noses together.

Steve just grinned, “How fast do you want to get there?”

.

Toni had sent Nat a text, telling her that she was in charge for the next two weeks. After that, she had JARVIS filter out all unnecessary communication. Which meant that anything that wasn’t a 911, was blocked. After that she fell asleep on the couch.

Steve woke her up, five hours later, when they had landed in L.A.

“We’re here, sweetheart.”

She sent up a silent prayer for her husband, and also, her fortune. It meant that they could just take off and they would have everything they needed no matter which property they went to. Malibu happened to be their favorite, but there were certainly others that they had spent a fair amount of time at.

Right after the Mandarin, Toni wasn’t sure that she wanted to rebuild anything at Malibu. Steve convinced her to at least build something. After seeing his fixation with heat and sunshine, Toni really couldn’t say no. So, she rebuilt the house at Malibu, albeit this time, further back from the cliff.

“You ready?”

Steve’s voice broke her out of the memories she was floating in and Toni stood up and stretched, “Yeah, let’s get this vacation started.”

The next two weeks might as well have been a second honeymoon for the couple. They spent their days split between the beach and bedroom, a situation they were both extremely content with.

.

“Congratulations Mrs. Stark! Do you hear that heartbeat?” Dr. Evans was extremely cheerful today, mostly because they could now hear the heartbeat.

Toni looked up at her husband, tears shining in both of their eyes, “Yeah, I hear it. Loud and clear.”

Steve was speechless, so Dr. Evans printed them a photo and gave them some instructions, “Take it easy for the next few weeks, alright? You’re only eight weeks along. If there’s any morning sickness, that’s normal but if you get dehydrated, call me immediately, okay? Do you have any other questions?”

Steve shook his head no.

“Great! Then Hannah up at the front desk can help you schedule your next appointment and I’ll see you again in a month! Sound good?”

The genius smiled, “Sounds great!” Turning to her husband, she said, “Let’s go home.”

.

Peter was at the compound when they pulled up and he practically flew into Toni’s arms when she got out of the car.

“Where have you guys been?!? Nat said that you went on a two week vacation and didn’t tell anyone anything! I’ve been worried sick! You guys can’t just run off on me, what if something happened?”

Steve and Toni both laughed at the boy’s breathless rant. They viewed the Spiderling almost as their own child. Toni had found him online, fighting crime in Queens in a onesie and goggles. She had designed him a suit and given it to him under the guise of a Stark Internship. He still lived with his aunt (the kid _was_ still in high school) but spent most weekends here with the rest of the Avengers.

“Well, we are Captain America and Iron Woman, pretty sure we can go wherever and whenever we want to, bud. But we’ll try and tell you next time, okay?” Steve had wrapped an arm around the boy and was leading him inside.

Peter’s dubious expression made both of them laugh again as they made their way to the common room. According to the boy, everyone had gathered there to chew the two out when they got home. Toni didn’t think that’s what they’d be doing after she and Steve dropped their news.

As soon as they walked in the room, Nat had locked her gaze on the two of them, making at least Toni feel like a small child again. Looking over at Steve, the feeling was mutual.

“I swear, if you idiots leave me in charge of this group again with no notice, no one is ever going to find your bodies. Do we understand each other?”

Steve sat down on the open loveseat, Toni curled in his lap, “Loud and clear, Nat. But we have some news for you guys.” The supersoldier looked up at his wife.

“So you guys know how I’ve been going through fertility treatments for the last few years, right?”

The inventress got nods from around the room, “Well, I don’t know if this is because of all of those or what, but I took a pregnancy test a few weeks ago.”

Steve jumped in, “It was positive. And that’s why we were gone for two weeks. There wasn’t a heartbeat at the first appointment and we wanted to wait to tell you guys until we had a heartbeat.”

Surprisingly, Clint was the first to congratulate the couple, “You guys are having a baby! This is great! Congratulations guys!” He came over and hugged both of them, “I can teach it to shoot, this is gonna be awesome!”

Toni smacked him upside the head, “You are not teaching my kid to shoot arrows, dumbass. They are going to inherit the Iron Woman suit.”

Clint was still rubbing his head while everyone else gathered around to extend their congratulations and well wishes.

.

Sometimes Toni really hated being pregnant. She wanted the baby, but mood swings were a bitch and her’s were worse considering she usually had mood swings. The pregnancy just made them worse. She didn’t get morning sickness at all, but the mood swings were driving everyone, including her, insane. Steve was a saint for not asking for a divorce.

They had started just after the second appointment and had only gotten worse from there. One minute she’d be laughing her ass off over something small and the next she’d be sobbing her eyes out for no good reason. It was just ridiculous! She had work to get done before she couldn’t work anymore and these stupid mood swings weren’t helping. At all.

The cravings were the weirdest fucking thing ever though. Because instead of wanting normal food things, Toni would wake up in the middle of the night, craving things like Clif bars topped with ice cream. Steve, being the absolute angel he was, would dutifully get up and go get or make the food. Toni didn’t think she had ever loved her husband more.

.

They had another doctor’s appointment at the 16 week mark.

“Congrats, you two! It’s a girl!” Dr. Evans had her usual trademark smile.

Toni heard Steve whisper, “Oh my gosh, we’re having a little girl! Sweetheart, we’re getting a little princess!”

Dr. Evans giggled while printing out their ultrasound photo, “Congratulations again! I’ll see you guys in four weeks!”

.

The next three weeks were filled with Steve showing Toni everything he had found to put in the nursery. They didn’t actually order anything, Nat had demanded that she and Pepper get to throw them a baby shower. Toni didn’t doubt that all they’d have to buy was the furniture.

After the first trimester was over, everyone had taken a sigh of relief. They were essentially out of the woods. Toni stopped going on missions after they told the team, staying in the shop and operating the suit remotely. Everyone thought everything was going to be fine.

Toni kept feeling twinges in her back all day. She thought it was just because the pregnancy was progressing, she was getting bigger, coupled with the fact that she had been bent over the workbench all day.

That night though, the unthinkable happened. Toni woke up, a sense of absolute dread spreading through her at the damp feeling in between her legs and the agonizing pain spreading through her belly. She didn’t need to look down to see the red spreading over the white sheets of the bed.

“STEVE!” She screamed, pouring everything she was feeling in that moment into that scream. All the anguish and sorrow and devastation that she felt for this child that was never to be.

Her husband jack-knifed up in bed and turned the light on. Steve turned to look at Toni and his eyes caught on the sheets.

His eyes looked down and then met hers for half a second. That was all the time Toni needed to recognize the look in Steve’s eyes. She was already sobbing by the time Steve lifted her into his arms, making his way towards the garage.

Nat was already in the driver’s seat when they got there, Toni whispering, “I killed her. I killed her. My baby. My baby. My baby,” over and over, the whole way to the hospital, Steve’s tears falling into her hair.

.

When they came back to the compound, Toni locked herself in the shop. It was Steve who had to break the news to Peter, Nat had told everyone else but Steve wanted to tell Peter in person. The boy had been so excited about the baby; essentially, she would have been his sister. When Steve knocked on his bedroom door, Peter looked up, his face an expanse of hope.

Steve sat down on the bed and wrapped an arm around Peter’s shoulders, “I’m sorry, Peter. She didn’t make it. The baby’s gone.”

His face crumpled as he curled into Steve. The two simply sat on the bed and let the tide roll over both of them. One mourning the loss of a child and the other mourning his sister.

Toni hadn’t meant to push everyone away when she holed up in the shop. She really hadn’t. But years of doing just that all fell back into place. After she came home, all she could do was work. Work kept her mind off of what she was trying to avoid. Work kept her away from the people she had disappointed, away from the family she had failed.

Normally, Toni let Pepper take care of meetings, especially the ones overseas. Now though? Now, Toni begged Pepper to find her meetings that would get her out of the compound, begged for the overseas meetings that would keep her away for weeks, begged for anything that would work as a distraction.

She was getting ready for bed when Steve came in. Toni had just gotten back from Africa, overseeing the implementation of new water filtration systems in Ghana. They locked eyes and just stared at the sorrow in each other’s eyes for what seemed like eternity before Steve surged forward and kissed her.

They fell into bed together that night. They fell in like they hadn’t since Malibu. It wasn’t the same and they could both feel it, but neither of them said anything. Both of them were just trying so desperately to feel something normal, they just kept going. It was sweaty and dirty and everything Toni would have ever dreamed of six months ago. But when they fell asleep that night, tangled into each other, there were tear tracks down both their faces.

.

Toni woke up the next morning in a cold bed, alone. Steve had already left for his morning run. She got up slowly, savoring the feel of her bed, before heading into the shower. Letting the hot water run down her back, she looked at the ring on her finger, the one that she vowed she’d never take off willingly. Toni looked long and hard at that ring and thought about everything that went with it.

Before she left for Spain, she left the ring on Steve’s nightstand. Toni didn’t look back.

 


End file.
